Three Thousand Miles
by kered176
Summary: Nearly twenty years after the season four finale, Derek and Meredith and their three children find themselves separated by the American continent. What happens when Meredith and the kids visit Derek in Seattle? Meredith/Derek
1. Postcard From Italy

**Disclaimer**: I am in no way affiliated with Grey's Anatomy or ABC. I own no characters except those I have created. I do this only for fun.

**A/N: **Hi, I am new at this whole thing. Just some quick notes before the story. This story takes place nineteen years after the end of season 4. It will mainly be a Meredith and Derek story, but trust me, other ships will be thrown in.

This story is partially true, the whole divorce part of it and families spread out between New England and Seattle is true.

Please enjoy the story!

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**Three Thousand Miles**

Chapter One - _Postcards From Italy_

"The times we had. Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow. Were not all bad. We put our feet just where they had, had to go."

* * *

December, 2027

Emma Grey-Shepherd was so excited. She was going to Seattle today. As she stood in Logan Airport she remembered how she had not been home in two years, well it was not really home anymore. She had lived in Massachusetts for more than four years now. Emma lived with her mom, older brother, and younger sister. They lived in a town outside of Boston and Meredith Grey, Emma's mom was a surgeon in the city.

Fifteen year old Emma was in high school and doing amazingly well. Her younger sister Jilly was ten and her older brother Andrew was eighteen. The three had caused quite a splash in their town. All three came in incredibly talented, at music, sports, and academics. They were intelligent and intellectual.

But they missed Seattle. They missed their house. They missed their friends. They missed their school. They missed their dog. But most of all they missed their dad.

Emma Shepherd was excited. Excited to go home. Even if it was just for a little while.

* * *

September, 2022

Five years earlier, Emma came home one day from school. It had been a good day. It was sunny in Seattle, that rarely happened. She was happy, she had made the middle school soccer team. She could not wait to tell her parents. She hoped they would both be home, her dad was chief of surgery at the local hospital and her mom was head of the neuro department. So she ran off the bus and towards the driveway to her childhood home overlooking Seattle from a large cliff with the lake in background. She ran up the driveway and into the house. She burst the doors prepared to greet her parents.

But when she burst through the doors, she did not say anything, because her whole family was sitting around the kitchen table stone silent. Her mom looked upset, like she had been crying a little. Her dad look frazzled. Andrew's face was unrecognizable and six year old Jilly looked as she usually did, with a hint of confusion.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked quickly.

"Come sit down bug." Her dad used her affectionate nickname. Emma went over to the table and sat in between Andrew and Jilly. Everyone stayed in an awkward silence for a minute until her mom talked.

"Your dad and I have done some talking," she started, "and I know that you, especially you Andy, understand that your father and I have not been having the easiest time getting along recently and spending time with all of you…" Emma's mom tried to describe what was happening as best she could.

"You're getting a divorce aren't you?" Andrew asked.

"Andrew-" Emma's dad said sternly.

"Derek!" Emma's mom shot back, clearly unhappy with his tone.

"What Meredith? Derek asked tired. Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Andy," Meredith started but could not think of anything to say, "Yes. We just think it would be easier for you guys if your father and I took some space, and maybe if we could get away."

Derek stayed silent looking down at his hands.

"Get away?" Emma asked.

"God Emma are you blind?" Andrew blew up. "Get away, we would move. You and me and Jilly and mom, we would move. Get away. Far away. Like three thousand miles away, aren't I right, mom?" Andrew asked incredulously.

"Andy," Meredith's face gave away the answer to Andrew's question.

"Three thousand miles?" Emma asked, "What's three thousand miles away from here?"

"Boston," Derek muttered.

"What's a Boston?" Jilly asked quietly looking up.

"Boston is a city, Jilly. Like Seattle is a city." Emma tried to explain to her five year old sister.

"Yeah Jilly, Boston is a city. A city where there is this really big, fancy hospital. It's called Beth Israel Deaconess. And guess what?" Andrew started in a sardonic tone, "Mom has been getting letters from them for the past two months. They want her to come out and join their surgical team, potentially be there chief eventually. That's what Boston is, that's what is in Boston." Andrew finished and got up from where he was sitting. He flung his chair across the room. Jilly ran into Derek's lap. Andrew ran over to the stairs and bolted up to his room quickly where he slammed his door. The whole house shook and the family dog, Boomer, started barking.

Downstairs, Meredith, Derek, Jilly, and Emma still were sitting, except now in silence.

"Is it true?" Emma asked her parents.

"Bug, it will be fine. You will go to Boston, you loved it there when we took a vacation to the East Coast last summer. You'll move into a big house with a nice backyard. And you will go to a new school and make new friends. You'll have a blast." Derek tried to spice up the idea of moving to Boston.

"Are you coming Daddy?" Jilly asked.

Derek shifted Jilly in his lap so he could look at her, Jilly was sucking her thumb, something rare that she only did when she was nervous or confused, "No Jello," Derek started with Jilly's nickname, "I am going to stay here in Seattle. But you are going to visit me all the time, and you can come here for holidays 

and summer vacation. It will be like a home away from home." Derek tried to smile at the end, but it just was not working out.

"I don't want to move to Boston!" Emma shouted suddenly. "I don't want a new house, I already have a big house with a backyard! I don't want to go to a new school or make new friends! I have friends! I just made the soccer team! I have a life here! And I don't want to leave it. And I don't want you to stay daddy! Why can't you come? Please come!" Emma begged her father.

"Emma…" Derek started his voice conveying the answer to her pleas.

"This is so unfair!" Emma shouted as she, like her brother, ran up the stairs to her room and slammed her door.

Jilly sat confused for a couple seconds until she hopped off Derek's leg and ran as fast as she could up the stairs shouting Emma's name. Meredith and Derek listened from downstairs as Jilly banged her little fists against Emma's door demanding Emma to let her come in. They heard Emma open the door and take Jilly into her room.

Downstairs, Meredith sighed and got up from the table, "I told you we should have told them sooner." Meredith said.

"Don't accuse me, I wanted to tell them two weeks ago when the divorce was finalized!" Derek tried to keep his cool.

"No you didn't!" Meredith started to get angry.

"Oh what does it matter now?" Derek asked upset.

"It matters because what they don't know is that this weekend they are leaving Seattle. That's what matters Derek." Meredith said exasperated.

"What's done is done." Derek muttered as he looked up from the table.

"Yeah," Meredith said standing at the counter looking up into Derek's eyes, "Yeah, it is." She ran past Derek quickly and started ascending the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Derek asked quietly.

"To pack." Meredith said and sprinted up the rest of the steps.

* * *

December 2027

"Last call for flight 293 to Seattle, last call for flight 293 for Seattle."

"Emma! Let's go!" Emma heard her mom yelling at her from the terminal where their plane was leaving. Emma grabbed her water from the vending machine and ran over to the plane. Her mom, younger sister, and brother were all in line. The flight attendant at the desk took their boarding passes 

and the four of them got on the plane. Once on the aircraft they pushed through the aisles. Andrew sat alone at a window seat in the very back and Jilly, Emma, and Meredith sat together in the row in front of Andrew.

Once settled in, Andrew put his iPod headphones on. He had a Seattle Seahawks hat covering his thick curly brown hair. His fleece jacket was zipped up all the way, after all it was nearly Christmas. He looked out the window and down at the runway. The plane should be taking off any moment now. He heard the announcement to shut off all electronics and he briefly shut off his iPod and shoved it into his pocket. When he did so, his wallet fell out. He opened his wallet which revealed his Massachusetts driver's license and a few. One picture was of his two sisters, himself, and his dad two years ago in Seattle. That's the last time he had been there. And he had another picture of his parents at their wedding. They looked different. His dad looked a lot like he did, and his mom looked a lot like Jilly. Emma was the perfect combination of them both. But now his parents had aged. His dad's curly brown hair had a hint of pepper and salt in it and his mom's face had aged. But they looked happy in that picture, something they were not now.

Suddenly the plane started to drive down the runway. Andrew leaned back and tried to fall asleep. In front of him, Jilly looked out the window and Emma looked at her mom. Once the plane had taken off the ground Andrew put his headphones back on, and Jilly took her headphones out. Emma tried to hold a conversation with her mother.

"What's wrong mom?" Emma asked looking her mother who had her head braced on the back of the seat with her eyes closed.

"Oh, nothing Emma. You should take a nap, it's going to be a long flight." Meredith answered and opened her eyes and looked at her daughter.

"Okay, I guess I will." Emma said and she shut her eyes.

"Five years, two months, and 27 days." Meredith muttered.

"What?" Emma asked opening her eyes and looking at her mother.

"That's how long since I have been in Seattle. That's how long it has been since I have seen your father." Meredith said.

"It'll be fine." Emma told her mother not really wanting to talk about her mother's romantic life at all. "I'm going to sleep now. Wake me up for the landing if I am out for that long?" Emma asked her mom.

"Alright, bug." Meredith said and winced a little.

Somehow, it sounded better when Derek said "bug".

* * *

Please Review! I am new and I would love some feedback. Most chapters will be longer than this in the future.

Postcards From Italy is a great song by Beirut.

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	2. Fire and Rain

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Disclaimer

: I am in no way affiliated with Grey's Anatomy or ABC. I own no characters except those I have created. I do this only for fun.

**A/N:** Thanks for all of the great feedback! Stick around to see why they split up.

* * *

**Three Thousand Miles**

Chapter Two - _Fire and Rain_

"I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I would see you again."

* * *

The flight had gone exceptionally well; Andrew, Jilly, and Emma slept almost the whole way. Meredith stayed up and obsessed about seeing Derek. They were about a half an hour from Seattle. Meredith would wake up the kids soon. She was not excited about seeing Derek at all. She had only talked to him a handful of times in the past four years. They did converse via e-mail occasionally.

But she had lied to Emma earlier; she had seen Derek once in the last five years, two months, and 27 days. When Meredith became chief of surgery at Beth Israel she went to a conference for chiefs of surgery in large inner city hospitals. The conference was in Denver, Colorado. She saw Derek there, but Derek did not see her.

* * *

May, 2025

Three years earlier Meredith sat in a fancy hotel conference room with hundreds of other chiefs of surgery. She took her seat in the conference hall towards the back. She was new at this whole chief thing and the last thing she wanted was to be sitting up front. She opened up her program and looked at tonight's schedule, when she saw what was going on at 7:30 she almost dropped dead.

_7:30 pm- The Grey-Shepherd Method – Presented by Dr. Derek Shepherd, Chief of Surgery, Seattle Grace_

"Oh my God." Meredith muttered to herself, how could she not have known this was going to happen? She had gotten the schedule in the mail a week ago and she checked it over. She slowly ripped off her name tag which said "Dr. Meredith Grey, Chief of Surgery Israel Beth Deaconess Medical Center". The name tag stuck to the material of her dress, "Stupid expensive good for nothing dress." Meredith mumbled to herself.

"I'm sorry?" An older woman sitting next to her asked, she must have heard Meredith muttering to herself.

"Oh nothing, sorry about that." Meredith said.

"Oh well that's okay, Hi I'm Dr. Groves, Chief at Hermann Hospital in Houston." The woman shook Meredith's hand.

"Hi, I'm Dr…." Meredith recovered quickly, "I'm Meredith." She smiled shaking the woman's hand. She did not want anyone to know her name was Meredith Grey, after all, after her clinical trial with Derek the Grey-Shepherd method had become infamous. Grey-Shepherd was not only the last names of her three children but it was one of the most ground-breaking brain tumor treatments out there. It was published in medical journals all over the world and practiced by thousands of surgeons. Meredith and Derek had even made it into mainstream magazines such as _Time_ and _Newsweek_ as the power couple who had come up with a way to save lives. No one covered anything when they got divorced fifteen years later.

"Well nice to meet you Meredith. Doesn't tonight look like such an exciting line up? I am so excited to see Dr. Shepherd. I have read about him everywhere. They must have added him last minute, because I don't remember it being on the original schedule." The woman sounded excited.

"Oh yeah. It looks like a good night." Meredith said trying to sound happy.

"I mean I am a neurosurgeon myself and I have used to Grey-Shepherd method countless numbers of times. I love the story of it too. It's all too perfect. I have to say I am a tad bit disappointed that Dr. Shepherd's wife is not here to help him present. I heard that they used to go on tour together occasionally, supposedly they presented well together."

Meredith could not even believe that this was happening, "Yeah I guess she must be busy now."

"Well I suppose, I heard that they have children. She must be with them while he is at conferences. Some life." Dr. Groves said as the lights started to dim.

"Some life." Meredith repeated. Part of her wanted leave and never enter that room again, but part of her was interested in seeing Derek. Meredith wanted to know what Derek had to say about their method. She remembered the old days before Andy was born. She and Derek would go to a couple conferences and present. Derek would be witty and Meredith serious. Every so often they would be asked about their personal lives. At one of the conferences a person had asked how their marriage was going. Meredith thought the person had a hell of a nerve. But at that point it was going great and Meredith had just found out she was pregnant with Andrew. She responded that life was great and they were expecting. Derek however, had no idea and he just simply kissed Meredith in reply, in front of the whole audience. Their picture had been printed in a medical magazine a couple weeks later.

Soon enough someone introduced Derek and there he was, he walked onto the stage. He looked the same, and Meredith couldn't help but think he was looking as gorgeous as ever. His hair was perfect and he was wearing a suit and a tie that she had bought him for Christmas the previous year and sent out to Seattle. They always sent each other tiny gifts to show their kids that they were coexisting somewhat. Derek had sent Meredith a book that same year. No cards were exchanged. Just gifts. Nothing that required them to actually talk to one another. Meredith couldn't believe he was wearing the tie.

"Hello everyone, my name is Derek Shepherd. You may have heard about the Grey-Shepherd method before. But the story all starts when a young, eager resident came up to me telling me she had a way to save lives." Meredith looked down quickly, her emotions getting the best of her. She watched as Derek explained all that they did together in order to figure it all out. At the end he opened it up for questions. A man near her had his hand up and Derek called on him, Meredith ducked a bit when he did so.

"Where is Dr. Grey?" The man asked. Meredith rolled her eyes at how nosey people could be.

Derek paused for a moment and looked down; he looked to the left of the man, right where Meredith was sitting. She thought he saw him wink briefly but she knew she was just imagining it. The pause was so brief that no one could have noticed and Derek coolly answered with a smile, "She is at home with our three kids." Derek replied naturally, like no divorce had ever happened.

He went on to answer more questions about the 97 success rate the method had and other scientific facts. Meredith zoned out the whole time. Every so often she thought Derek was gazing at her but in reality she knew that she was being paranoid. When the night was over she went up to her hotel room as fast as she could. She dialed her home number where Andy, Emma, and Jilly were spending time with Christina who had flown in just to see them while Meredith was at the conference. Every so often an old friend from Seattle Grace would come to Boston. Meredith and Derek had an unwritten rule that Derek would never come to Boston, the kids would only go to Seattle. Meredith had never been back to Seattle, the kids had been back a few times, but they always went alone. George, Alex, or Derek would greet them at the airport. When Christina picked up the number at home Meredith explained to her what had happened and that she was coming home as soon as she could. She did not want to risk bumping into Derek. She begged Christina not to tell the kids that she had seen Derek.

The next morning Meredith checked out of the hotel and was waiting for a cab outside to take her to the airport. As she was waiting, Derek walked out of the hotel. She looked down quickly and avoided any eye contact. But curiosity got the best of her. She looked up, behind him was a skinny brunette. Meredith had no idea who it was. She was laughing. He was laughing. She could not tear her eyes off the scene. Suddenly out of nowhere a loud honking sound startled her.

"What are you doing lady, trying to get killed?" A rude cab driver shouted. Meredith then realized she in the middle of the street. People were looking at the scene. She looked up again and saw the skinny brunette. Her eyes were quickly distracted by the sight of Derek, looking right at her sort of disoriented. He shook his head and started walking towards her but before he could get there Meredith had hopped into the very cab that had almost hit her. She told the driver to drive to the airport and she never looked back at the skinny brunette. And she had never looked back at Derek.

* * *

December, 2027

"We are twenty minutes from Seattle-Tacoma folks. Fasten your seatbelts because it could be a rough landing, it is raining in Seattle currently and it is 38 degrees. Thank you for flying with us and let's have a save descent."

It was raining in Seattle – of course. Meredith slowly came back from her memory. She shook a sleeping Emma and Jilly next to her awake, "We're almost in Seattle." She smiled at the two of them as they both woke up slowly.

She looked back and saw Andrew already awake, "We're almost there bud."

"I know, I heard." Andrew said quietly.

Meredith braced herself for the landing. She braced herself for seeing Derek. She hoped to God that Derek did not recognize her three years ago. But most of all she braced herself for the fact that Derek might not be alone when she got to Seattle.

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I love the reviews.

Fire and Rain is a James Taylor song.


	3. Lost?

**Disclaimer**: I am in no way affiliated with Grey's Anatomy or ABC. I own no characters except those I have created. I do this only for fun.

**A/N:** Well, Grey's is back! And i have to say I was not impressed, not at all. But here we go with chapter three of this story! Enjoy!

Once again, thanks for all the feedback - it keeps me running. Oh and I updated my Bio page, which I guess is exciting...

* * *

**Three Thousand Miles**

Chapter Three - Lost?

"Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost. Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt, doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved."

* * *

Meredith, Andy, Emma, and Jilly all walked off the airplane and into the terminal a little discombobulated, a six and a half hour flight can do that to a person. Meredith knew that she had to call Derek now. But she chickened out.

"Hey Andy can you do me a favor and call your father and tell him that we are here?" Meredith asked Andrew.

"Yeah sure mom." Andy said as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the all too familiar number. As Andy talked to Derek on the phone the family made their way to the baggage claim, "He said that he is already here!" Andy said sounding excited as he hung up the phone.

"Seriously?" Emma asked excited.

"He said he is already at baggage claim and he has our bags! He said that he recognized them because they had the same tags on them that we used to use when we went on vacation." Andrew summarized for everyone.

"Mommy let's go see daddy!" Jilly screamed as she jumped up and down. She may have been ten, but when she got excited she acted younger.

"Alright, let's go" Meredith sighed trying to show some level of enthusiasm.

Andrew led the way and Jilly and Emma followed quickly behind him. Meredith stayed a little further back. She couldn't help but smile, Andrew had his intense hiking backpack on, Emma had her school backpack on, and Jilly had this little yellow knapsack on her back. They were practically running through the airport. They may have all been over the age of ten, but at this moment they were acting like little children in a candy shop trying to get to the perfect piece of candy. They made their way through the airport which Meredith had not been in for five years. She was so unhappy when she was last here.

They finally made it down to baggage claim, and she saw him. He stood tall, his hair was still the perfect wavy dark brown but now it had become a bit salt and peppered. He was wearing jeans and a winter jacked. His eyes looked weary and Derek caught her looking at him and gave her a sad smile. Meredith averted her eyes and she was pretty sure that the kids hadn't seen him yet.

"Hey guys," Meredith got her kids attention, "Look." She pointed her finger to where Derek was.

"Dad!" All three of her kids screamed. Jilly went running to Derek and absolutely tackled him. Derek, strong as ever, picked her up and flung her around in circles. It killed Meredith to see this. Moments like this made her realize she was not the only one in Jilly, Emma, and Andrew's life. Then Andrew and Emma ran over to him, he set Jilly down and gave Andy and Emma a hug at the same time. Jilly held on to his hand. Meredith watched the scene from afar for a couple minutes as Derek and their kids embraced. She held her cell phone in one hand and had her canvass bag on the other shoulder. Soon enough the kids had their luggage and Derek had grabbed Meredith's. Meredith stood still until everyone came over.

"Ready to go mom?" Emma asked as she ran past Meredith with her luggage. Andrew again was leading the way and Derek was carrying Jilly.

"Uh, yeah." Meredith said, "Let's go." At that moment Derek came up to her. He set Jilly down on the ground.

"Hey bug," it sounded so right when he said it, "can you carry your luggage until we get to the car? Go catch up with Andy and Emma."

"Okay daddy!" Jilly replied and took her rolly suitcase and ran off to where Andy and Emma were up ahead. As she ran past Meredith, Meredith ran her hands through Jilly's thick dirty blonde hair, Derek's perfect hair she noted. At that moment Derek was right in front of Meredith, he set down her luggage and sighed.

"Hi," he smiled. His McDreamy smile. Meredith had missed it so much.

"Hi," she gave him a weak smile back. Meredith bent down to get her luggage off the ground but as she did she felt Derek's hand over hers. The feeling that it procreated startled her and she jumped back a bit.

"It's okay," Derek smiled again, "I've got it." He picked up the luggage, of course he would, he's chivalrous and he's Derek.

"Thanks, you don't have to." Meredith told him sincerely.

"It's okay, I don't mind." Derek smiled again and started to walk alongside Meredith, "How are you?"

"Me?" Meredith asked nervous, "Yeah I'm fine. I'm good. I…" she was at a loss for words, she then realized she had actually missed him.

"Me too." Derek said as if something had been unsaid but he got it.

Meredith nodded and the two of them walked out of Seattle-Tachoma together meeting their kids at the sidewalk.

* * *

"Daddy, how's Boomer?" Jilly asked as the five of them sat squished in Derek's Land Rover as they made their way back to the house.

"Boomer's great." Derek said looking in the rear view mirror at his daughter who was sitting in the way-back, "He is going to be so excited to see all of you."

"Mom, what are we doing tonight?" Emma asked from the backseat.

Meredith was sitting up front next to Derek, "Uh, I think you guys are just going to stay in with your dad tonight. I am going to go visit Aunt Christina."

"Oh okay, well then Dad what are we doing tonight?" Emma asked her father.

"I was thinking a movie and some take-out Chinese." Derek said.

"From Chen-Yang Li?" Andrew questioned.

"Of course." Derek smiled. And so did Meredith at how truly happy Derek could make the kids.

"Let's do it!" Emma exclaimed.

"Alright, to Chen-Yang Li we go," Derek then looked over at Meredith, "you don't mind if we make this quick stop, we'll just get the take-out and then we'll be on our way."

"No, it's fine." Meredith said trying to put on a smile.

As Derek drove in the direction of the kid's favorite Chinese restaurant, Meredith stared out the window. She was half listening to Derek talking to the kids in the background. Meredith couldn't help but notice how nothing had really changed in Seattle. All of the roads looked familiar. These were the roads she would travel every day. She never pictured herself being away from Seattle for so long. Five years was a long time. There were things she missed. She missed how pretty Seattle was, it was more forest-y than Boston. She loved the colors and she actually did love the rain. But most of all she missed this, sitting in the car as a family, just being a family in general. She missed seeing her kids as happy as they were with Derek. Meredith had promised to herself before they left Boston that she would not spend too much time thinking about Derek. It was harder than she thought it was going to be.

* * *

Meredith was sitting in a parked car alone outside of the Chinese restaurant that she had detested so fondly back when she was living in Seattle, now she abhorred it even more. Derek and the kids had all gone in to get their food. Pretty soon after they had gone in, Meredith took out her cell phone and called Christina.

"Hello?" Christina picked up her phone on the other line, she was working at the hospital today.

"Hey," Meredith said.

"Meredith! Are you here?" Christina asked sounding excited.

"I am. I am currently at a Chinese restaurant." Meredith sighed.

"You hate Chinese food." Christina stated the obvious.

"The kids wanted it – it was Derek's idea." Meredith explained.

"Asshole." Christina replied. When it came to Derek, the answer was pure and simple: asshole.

"Yeah well. He was just trying to be nice. Remember, this trip is about getting over the whole asshole bit." Meredith and Christina had discussed this before.

"So, you're coming tonight?" Christina asked.

"Yeah, Joe's at seven?" Meredith asked.

"Yep," Christina answered.

"I'll be there, anything to get away form this situation." Meredith sighed.

"Is it awkward?" Christina asked.

"Oh yeah." Meredith answered and then she spotted Derek walking out of the restaurant with Jilly jumping around him, Emma to his left and Andrew to his right, all with plastic bags with revolting Chinese food in hand, "Oh crap! They're coming back, I've got to go. See you tonight." Meredith quickly said.

"Yeah, see you tonight." Christina replied, but Meredith had already hung up the phone. Derek and the kids piled back into the car and soon enough they were on their way.

"Who were you talking to?" Emma asked her mom from the backseat.

"Oh, Aunt Christina," Meredith replied.

"So you're going to see her tonight?" Derek asked casually.

"Uh, yeah. We're going down to Joe's. But I'll be back, after, I mean." Meredith responded carefully and awkwardly. It was almost as if she and Derek were walking on egg shells.

The family continued their ride in silence. Meredith stared out the window. She could not believe she was going to her old house, well now Derek's house. She could not believe she had agreed to stay with him. Sure the house was big, she had been there when they built it and planned it. She remembered how she only wanted four bedrooms but Derek had insisted on a fifth, just in case they needed a guest room. Meredith had said that it was a waste; they would never have any use for a spear bedroom. Somehow Derek had known they would, she almost wondered if he could have sensed the future back then. She loved that house, everything about it. It was beautiful and spacious. Her house outside of Boston was nice too maybe even nicer, but it did not have that home-y quality. When the kids were younger and Meredith and Derek had flexible schedules, she used to love to come home from the hospital to the sight of Andy coming up and running to her his hands covered in paint. Jilly at that point was just an infant, and as soon as Meredith would come home she would start screaming and crying wanting out of her playpen or crib. She missed seeing Emma running around the house also with paint on her hands trying to touch anything in sight. And she missed Derek running around after them trying to restore order. It was chaotic, but that was life. Meredith's life in Boston was decently orderly. The kids all had their activities; she had her time at the hospital. It was very structured and scheduled. Life in Seattle before things fell apart was hectic, spontaneous, and more importantly, fun. Meredith missed that.

Derek had finally reached the long driveway that pulled up to the house. Meredith had forgotten how truly secluded the house really was. As they drove up to the nearly 4,000 square foot domicile Meredith felt all sorts of emotions flowing through her. Nothing had changed. That killed her. She almost wished he had changed the color or added an addition just so she could see that there was something different in his life. But it was exactly the same. The trees were all the same. They breathtaking view overlooking the water was the same. The bird feeder that Andrew had made when he was in first grade still hung in one of the trees. The basketball hoop that Emma and Andrew had insisted on buying was still in the driveway. Their old swing set was still in the backyard. The tree house (or tree condo as Meredith liked to call it) that Derek and Mark spent weeks creating still was in the trees and the tire swing still came down from it. Derek had even decorated the house with lights for Christmas.

"Dad it looks so pretty!" Emma exclaimed as her eyes lit up from the backseat.

"It looks the same as it did a couple summers ago. You've changed nothing, dad. Well, you added the lights for Christmas." Andrew commented as Derek opened the garage and pulled the car in.

"You still have our old skis?" Jilly asked.

"Yep, I was thinking maybe we could actually take a trip up to Canada, maybe go skiing this weekend." Derek said.

"Sweet!" Emma exclaimed.

"Daddy, I don't think my skis would fit me." Jilly sighed.

"Oh well, we can rent some Jilly." Derek answered as he hopped out of the car.

Everyone climbed out of Derek's car and grabbed their luggage. Meredith reluctantly got out of the passenger seat and saw that Derek had taken her luggage already. The kids had already bounded inside, Derek was close behind them. Meredith took a second to take in her surroundings. The garage was cleaner than it had been five years ago. She assumed that was because all of the kids' stuff was not lying around to clutter everywhere. Meredith lingered for a moment but then mustered up the confidence to walk through the storm door which lead to the kitchen. She walked up the steps and pushed open the door, she felt something she had not in a while: home.

Meredith was sure it was the smell. The smell triggered that homeliness feeling. It smelled like her old days at Seattle Grace, but most of all it smelled of Derek. She looked around, the first thing to catch her eye was the refrigerator. That was new. It was some kind of new fridge that had a TV built into it. Meredith could not believe that Derek had bought that. The fridge was covered in pictures of the kids, old and new. One old family picture caught her eye. It was about eight years ago, she knew because she had a copy of it tucked away in her desk; the thing that got her was how in that picture Derek's arm was around her shoulder casually and her hand was holding his. He had it on the fridge, she just couldn't get over it. Suddenly, she was distracted by something, a loud bark and the sound of a jingling dog collar.

"Boomer!" Emma shouted. The nine-year old golden retriever came into the kitchen. Meredith noticed that he had aged. They fur around his snout had turned white. Meredith remembered how desperately Andrew and Derek had wanted a dog, she had finally given in. Derek insisted on getting a golden retriever puppy, after all that is what he had growing up. Meredith warmed up to Boomer really quickly. She watched as Emma, Andrew, and Jilly got reacquainted with Boomer. She went over the dog and rubbed his head. He kissed her, almost as if he remembered her. Meredith glanced down at her watch briefly. She realized that she had told Christina she would be there at 7:00, it was now 6:40. She was going to be late, no doubt about it.

"Sorry guys I've got to go." Meredith excused herself.

"We just got here mom!" Andrew protested.

"I know, but I told your Aunt Christina and Aunt Izzie that I would be there at 7:00." Meredith explained. She did not want to make it look like she was purposely avoiding being together as a family.

"I want to see Aunt Christina and Aunt Izzie!" Jilly complained.

"You'll see them tomorrow jello, I promise." Derek smiled as he picked Jilly up and set her on the counter. This caught Meredith's attention; Jilly was too heavy for Meredith to carry around now, but not for Derek.

"Bye mom, see you later." Emma hugged Meredith. Meredith proceeded to give Andrew a hug and then Jilly a hug.

"See you guys later!" Meredith smiled as she grabbed her purse and walked out of the house.

"Meredith! Wait!" Derek called, Meredith was already in the garage, "I'll be right back guys, why don't you go up to your rooms and unpack." Derek suggested as he ran after Meredith. Emma, Jilly, and Andrew shrugged and made their way upstairs. Derek went into the garage and saw that Meredith was already walking out, "Meredith!" Derek called again. Meredith turned around, "Where are you going?" Derek quickly caught up with her.

"What do you mean? I am going to see Richard." Meredith stated the obvious.

"I know that, but how are you going to get there?" Derek asked.

"I just called a cab, I was going to meet them at the end of the street considering no one can ever find the house." Meredith stated.

"Oh come on, I still have the old cars, at least take your old Jeep." Derek pleaded. This was an odd conversation.

"Derek, that thing is over twenty years old." Meredith rolled her eyes. Derek's eyes lightened a bit when he heard his name come out of her mouth.

"I just thought…" he paused for a second and looked down, "I thought maybe it would be easier for you, if you have your old car." Derek finished. This was the longest conversation they had that was not about the kids in a long time.

Meredith stared at him for a second. Derek stared at Meredith, his look was pleading, almost as if the this conversation was not just about the car. Meredith thought about the jeep, and the last time they had been in the car.

* * *

June 2022

Meredith and Derek sat in Meredith's old dilapidated jeep. They were on their way to a Seattle Courthouse. Derek had wanted to save the jeep, he always wanted an antique, even if it was a jeep. Derek was driving and Meredith was in the passenger seat. Andrew, Emma, and Jilly were at home. Andrew was supposed to be watching everyone. Meredith sat next to Derek in the seat. They were both dressed to the nines, Meredith's high heeled foot was tapping nervously on the floor of the car.

"It will be fine," Derek tried to comfort his wife.

"How can it be fine? You could lose your job, I could lose your job. We could lose our licenses!" Meredith started to scream a bit.

"Calm down, everything will resolve itself over time." Derek was used to having to comfort Meredith about this.

"Derek! How can you be so calm?" Meredith convicted. "We should have thought about what we were doing before we did it."

"Meredith, we hired Seattle's best lawyer, the story has not come out in the media yet, and I do not care what anyone says: there is no shame or crime in helping someone in need." Derek finished, placing a comforting hand on Meredith's thigh. Meredith winced a bit at the physical contact, something they were not so accustomed to recently.

They continued their drive in silence. Little did Meredith know, the trial would not go so well, no one ever found out the "crimes" they committed, it was kept quiet, but bad news would come out of the trial - maybe not for their careers, but for them personally. And little did Meredith know, this would be the last time she and Derek sat together in her old Jeep.

* * *

December 2027

"Yeah, fine. I'll take the jeep." Meredith agreed after coming back to reality.

"Good, good." Derek smiled a bit, Meredith looked down. "I'll go get your keys." Derek ran back into the house while Meredith stood on the driveway in a pensive state. She looked around, she missed this. She did not want to let herself miss it but she did. Most of all she missed Derek's smile. She regained composure quickly and noticed Derek had new cars, she saw them through the three car garage. She smiled to herself, there was something about that man and cars.

Especially old jeeps.

* * *

Keep the reviews coming! They get me excited! And stay tuned...

Oh I need help - do you think I should have Christina married to Owen Hunt (army doc), or not married at all? It's up to you...

Lost? is a song by Coldplay off of their Viva la Vida album.


	4. A Man and A Woman

**Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Grey's Anatomy or ABC. I own no characters except those I have created. I do this only for fun.**

**A/N:** New Grey's was on last night, it was better than the first one I will say that. This chapter has some Andrew/Derek interaction and a little more Meredith/Derek, enjoy!

Thank you all so much for the feedback, not only are all the story alerts and favorites great but the reviews are awesome too! It makes my day, thank you all!

* * *

**Three Thousand Miles**

Chapter Four - _A Man and A Woman _

"You can run from love, and if it's really love it will find you and catch you by the heel"

* * *

Andrew Shepherd bolted up the stairs of his old Seattle house. God, he missed this place. One set of stairs down, one to go. The best part of being the oldest child was that he got the best room. When Andrew was born, his parents set up his nursery right next to their room, and then when his sister was born he moved to the room next to the nursery. But when he was eight and his youngest sister was born, his parents gave him the keys to the castle: Andrew got the third floor bedroom. The third floor of the Shepherd domain had a playroom, an office for Meredith and Derek, and a bedroom. Said bedroom was Andrew's. The room was pretty much amazing, complete with a loft and a mini tower. Andrew loved it and when he moved to Boston, his new room did not compare at all. As he rounded the corner and made it up the last set of stairs he ran through the hall and came to his door. It still had the letters, "Andrew" plastered on it that his Aunt Izzie had cut out for him when he was younger. He got into the room and it looked exactly the same.

His double bed was in the corner with the loft above it. His desk still had some papers he left on it from a couple summers ago when he stayed in Seattle. The iPod dock still had his old iPod on it. The dresser still had some clothes in it. And the same pictures were on his night table. The picture of him and his dad from when he was four and they had gone fishing was there displaying a smiling Derek holding on his shoulders a toothless Andrew who was holding out a fish he had caught. There was also the infamous picture of himself with his arm around Ally Hunt was right next to his pillow. A copy of that picture was placed in his bedroom tucked away under his mattress in Boston. He missed Ally when he moved to Boston, she was one of his best friends, possibly maybe even more. But he did not want to think about that.

Andrew sat down on his bed and picked up a signed baseball that was on his night table. He had gotten the ball at a game with his dad when he was seven, and he kept the ball ever since. Once he was lying down, Andrew ran a hand through his thick curls pushing his hair back. He kicked off his worn and torn Nikes and tossed the ball up and down repeatedly. After a while, he paused and pulled out his new iPod from his pocket. Soon enough "Train in Vain" blasted filled his ears. He was oblivious to the world, much like how he had gone through his last couple years in Boston. Not long after he started throwing the ball up and down, Derek made his way into Andrew's room. Derek leaned up against the door frame and watched his son. He was convinced that Andrew was him some forty years earlier, they were so much alike. Derek decided to walk into the room. He cleared his throat so Andrew would recognize his presence.

"Oh dad, you scared me." Andrew exclaimed as he took the ear buds out of his ears.

"Sorry," Derek smiled as he took a seat on the bed, it was nice to see Andrew happy, every time he talked to him on the phone he seemed so down, "glad to be back?" Derek asked.

"Oh yeah." Andrew smiled as he put his arm behind the back of his head, "I miss it here."

"Well of course, Andy." Derek's eyebrows burrowed in understanding.

"It's just, when we left Seattle with Mom, Emma was only in middle school and Jilly was like six, and I had a life here you know? It was hard, but it's good to be back for a bit." Andrew concluded.

"Hey, it's the longest you've been back since you left and the longest I've gotten to spend time with you." Derek said.

"Three weeks. I am pumped. Ready for some prime fishing?" Andy laughed, that was one of the things he missed most about Seattle, early morning fishing trips with his dad.

"Ready for some 'prime' college tours?" Derek joked rather seriously back.

"Aw Dad, you know where I am applying." Andrew shrugged as he sat up on the bed a bit more.

"Yale still your number one choice?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, but I didn't apply early decision, all of my applications are due in about two weeks."

"So Columbia still has a chance?" Derek asked hopeful that his son would follow in his footsteps.

"Maybe, or Dartmouth too." Andrew said quietly, knowing that Dartmouth brought up someone he never talked to his dad about.

"Yeah, well…" Derek trailed off and looked down. Andrew was old enough now to comprehend that his mom was a touchy subject for his dad.

"C'mon, let's go see what Emma and Jilly are up to." Andrew suggested and got up from his bed.

"Alright," Derek said following suit, "oh and Andy?"

Andrew turned around and looked at Derek, "Yeah?"

"She still always asks about you." Derek concluded looking down at the picture on his night table, and Andrew knew exactly what he was talking about.

* * *

Meredith, Christina, and Izzie had been in Joes for three hours. The first hour had been spent catching up with one another (which they had done over the phone anyway at least weakly) and the next two hours had been spent drinking, except for Meredith who just was not in the mood for it. Besides, Meredith knew she would end up driving home; Izzie and Christina could call either Alex or Owen, Meredith could not call Derek any longer.

"I've got to get home, Alex will wonder where I am." Izzie muttered as she took one last shot of tequila and took out her cell phone.

"What time is it?" Christina asked.

"1:52" Meredith glanced down at her watch, time had literally flown.

"Seriously? In the morning?" Izzie asked.

"Owen is going to shoot me," Christina muttered.

"Why?" Izzie asked dumbfounded.

"Well, when I walk into the house like this," Christina referred to her drunken state, "Owen will say that I am not being a good role model for Ally." Christina attempted to do her best Army-doc impression of Owen.

"She's almost seventeen; obviously she knows that her mother has a life." Meredith laughed.

"Yeah well I guess her father doesn't." Christina rolled her eyes as she got up from the bar.

"Hey wait where are you guys going? You're not exactly in the best place to drive right now." Meredith asked concerned.

"Oh, we're just going to walk, remember? Alex and I bought a house right around the corner from the hospital. And Alex always bails Christina out now and drives her home." Izzie smiled.

"Oh, I forgot about your new house, I want to come check it out sometime!"

"Totally, come around sometime later this week, we can have a party or something. Thanks Joe!" Izzie yelled out to Joe who was cleaning out glasses on the other side of the bar.

"No problem, hey Meredith wait up!" Joe yelled out to the three of them as they made their way out of the bar.

"Go ahead, I'll see you guys around the hospital, I may make an appearance at some point soon." Meredith smiled and the friends said their goodbyes.

"What's up Joe?" Meredith asked as she approached her old friend and confidant.

"It's just good to see you back here, that's all." Joe smiled.

"Thanks Joe." Meredith smiled, "The place looks great. How's Walter?"

"Good, hey check this out," Joe pulled out his wallet and showed Meredith a picture of Joe, Walter, and a little Chinese boy who looked to be about one, "Adopted him a couple months ago." Joe smiled proudly.

"Oh, Christina told me in passing about this! I meant to send a gift. Joe, that's awesome. What's his name?" Meredith asked.

"His Chinese name most directly translated to Vincent, so that's his name." Joe laughed.

"Good for you Joe. I'm glad that you're happy." Meredith turned on her heals to walk out.

"Hey Meredith?" Joe stopped her.

"Yeah?" Meredith questioned as she turned around.

"You miss him?"

"All the time Joe." This was the first time Meredith had ever admit this to anyone, and she did miss Derek all the time.

"He misses you too," Joe gave Meredith as sad smile.

"I, uh, how do you know?" Meredith asked flustered.

"He's told me," Joe shrugged as he stacked some lingering shot glasses.

"Thanks for the drinks Joe," Meredith avoided the subject of Derek all together.

"Anytime, have a good night."

Meredith left the bar and got into her old rusting Jeep. As she drove the familiar route home at two in the morning, many thoughts crossed her mind. But one thought stuck out in her mind more than anything else.

* * *

January 2022

Meredith had spent the night at Joe's with Christina, Izzie, and George. Derek was at home watching the kids. After the friends decided it was far time they head home Meredith glanced at her cell phone. The clock read 12:27 AM and a there were four missed calls from Derek all in the last twenty minutes. After everyone had left, Meredith sat outside the bar with her phone and dialed voicemail hoping that Derek had left her a message. She punched in her pass code – 0718 – the date of her anniversary. Once she got to her messages, there was one frantic one from Derek.

"Meredith, hi. It's me. Um, I've been trying to call you, why isn't your phone on vibrate or something? And I know you don't have your pager because I found Jilly playing with it earlier. You know, now that I'm chief I could get you in trouble for that. No, you know I'm joking. No anyway, it's Richard. I got a call from the hospital. He, he had a stroke, Meredith. I reached Owen and he is at our house with Ally watching the kids, even though they are asleep now. I think he's been trying to reach Christina too. I'm at the hospital now, so when you get this come. We're trying to figure out what to do. Call me back or just come across the street when you get this. Thanks. Love you."

The monotone voice from the phone came on asking her whether or not she wanted delete the message. Instead she just hung up the phone and ran across the street. She bolted through the doors of Seattle Grace and got on the elevator. When the elevator descended to the fourth floor, she got out and immediately saw a casually dressed Derek standing at the nurses' station holding an x-ray up to the light.

"Derek!" Meredith yelled out and saw Derek drop the x-ray on the counter and make his way to her. He enveloped her in his arms.

"Meredith," Derek murmured into hair. He could smell the alcohol on her breath as she exhaled deeply, "you're drunk."

"No, not really." Meredith answered in all honesty, "I haven't had a drink in at least an hour."

"Good" Derek replied as he let her go. He smiled at her and she gave him a weak smile back. Derek squeezed her arm and Meredith's smile got a little wider.

"So, what's the deal?" A concerned Meredith asked Derek as he released her from his grasp.

"Well he had a subdural hemorrhage and the CT showed a crescent-shaped deformity." Derek explained.

"So it's bad?"

"Could be, I think surgery is our best option but I wanted the opinion of the head of my neuro department, but seeing as she seems to be a tad bit inebriated…"

"Oh God, I hate the word inebriated," Meredith rolled her eyes as Derek smirked.

"But seriously, what do you think?" Derek's tone became critical once again.

"I think that you're right, surgery is our best bet. Is he conscious?" Meredith asked.

"No, that's one of my biggest concerns. I think we have time until we have to operate though, we should wait until the morning so we can have more experienced hands on deck, and I want some of those residents you always talk about as being good on this case. Richard deserves only the best." Derek reasoned.

"Yeah sure, early morning surgery it is." Meredith sighed.

"He'll be okay." Derek noticed Meredith's mood shifting for the worst.

"Yeah, but, I don't know."

"Meredith," the simple use of her name forced her to look up at him, "he'll be okay. Richard deserves the best. And you and I, we're the best." Derek once again gave Meredith a hug, he kissed her head briefly. They were not exactly the type of people who would show a ton of affection at work, even if it was 1:15 in the morning. Meredith looked up at Derek and somehow she believed him, and she had come to realize that she and Derek were really the best, in a many number of ways.

* * *

December 2027

Meredith's mind slipped back into present day as she drove up to the house. She absentmindedly reached down into the middle console of the car and took out the garage opener. She then realized Derek had left everything the same in the car after all of these years. She slowly pulled the car into the garage like she had done so frequently in the past. It was now nearly 2:15 and Meredith knew that tomorrow would be a busy day, it was the kid's first full day in Seattle after all. She hoped that Derek had taken the day off so they could spend the day with him but she and Derek had never discussed their schedules. She shut the car and the lights off and took her keys out of the ignition. As she stepped out of the car the cold Seattle air mixed with the musty smell of the garage hit her. She quickly walked up the stairs into the door of the house to escape the uncomfortable, damp, frigid garage. As she stepped into the house she was once again greeted with the familiar sense of home. Back when she and Derek were together, she would drop her keys in the bowl that still sat in the counter. Now she just figured she would hold on to them until the morning and give them back to Derek when it was appropriate. She knew that everyone in the house must be asleep but Boomer still came up to greet her. Meredith smiled at the dog and petted her head affectionately. She slipped off her shoes and carried them in her hand as she neared the stairs. Meredith noticed that the light in the living room was on: squinting at the light and with Boomer behind her she crossed through the kitchen she bypassed the stairs and walked into the living room to shut off the light.

"You're home."

"Oh my God!" Meredith jumped back and dropped her shoes on the ground. Derek had been lying on the couch and she could not see him, all she heard was him declaring that she was home. He scared her, when she jumped her hair became disheveled and she knew that she probably looked like crap.

Derek chuckled and got up from where he was on the couch. He was dressed in his old flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt Meredith remembered him getting when they went to New York with the kids about seven years ago.

"Sorry, Derek laughed as he approached Meredith. He noticed her disheveled hair and he gingerly placed the hair in her face back behind her ear. Meredith backed up from the sudden movement and Derek quickly realized that she was not his to touch anymore, this wasn't Meredith coming home five years ago, this was Meredith coming home post divorce.

"Uh, what are you doing up?" Meredith asked nervously.

"I just wanted to make sure you made it home okay, I didn't know if you needed a ride home or not. I told Christina to keep me informed if you needed me to come get you." Derek shrugged as he explained.

"Oh no, I didn't have that much to drink." Meredith quickly informed him, "Anyway, I think I just want to go to bed."

"Oh well, yeah. Long day." Derek said.

"Yeah, long day. So…"

"So the guest bedroom next to Jilly's room is all good, if you want that one." Derek supplied swiftly.

"Yeah, no that's fine. That one has the bathroom too which is nice." Meredith added some unnecessary small talk.

"Yeah." Derek just stood there uneasily; Meredith swore she could see some sort of smile playing on his lips.

"Well, um, goodnight." Meredith said quickly not really sure to act in this situation.

"Yeah, goodnight." Derek shut off the lamp behind him and the both awkwardly went up the stairs together. They walked down the dark hall with Boomer behind them in an uncomfortable silence. When they were Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd (well, they never really were because Meredith hated being referred to as Mrs. anything, it always had to be Dr. Grey Shepherd), they would walk hand in hand down the hall with Boomer behind them. They would make their way into their bedroom and climb into bed together and Boomer would lie on the floor in front of their bed. Now they walked down the hall as far apart as they could with a confused dog behind them. When Meredith made it to the guest bedroom she gave Derek a little wave and went into the room and shut the door. When Derek made it to his room across the hall, he groaned quietly and ran a hand through his hair as he also shut the door. Boomer was left outside both of their rooms; the dog looked back and forth between the two closed non amicable doors and circled around a couple times before sitting down and falling asleep on the hard wood floor that separated Meredith from Derek and Derek from Meredith.

* * *

It was going to be a long night.

So I put Christina and Owen together, I had to have Christina with someone for obvious reasons that will become clear later on. Stay tuned.

Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming, I love feedback (positive or negative)!

A Man and A Woman is a song by U2


	5. How's It Going to Be

**Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Grey's Anatomy or ABC. I own no characters except those I have created. I do this only for fun.**

**A/N:** Enjoy, sorry I am a slow updater

Thank you all so much for the feedback, not only are all the story alerts and favorites great but the reviews are awesome too! Thank you so much!

* * *

**Three Thousand Miles**

Chapter Five- How's It Going To Be

"How's gonna be when you don't know me anymore, how's it going to be?"

* * *

December 2027

Back in Boston, the first thing Meredith Grey would encounter in the morning was generally the sound of her alarm blaring and a sore back from her rather uncomfortable bed. She then once again would realize she was alone and would proceed to get up and pull the shades back to reveal an endless darkness. Then she would have to trudge down the hallway and attempt to wake up three very heavy sleepers, two of which snored worse than she did. Mornings were generally rough and they were Meredith's least favorite part of the day.

Today was different, well, sort of.

Meredith's eyes fluttered open when the bright sunlight from the outside world hit the incredibly soothingly comfortable bed she was sleeping on. Meredith wondered what time it was, it had to be past nine. There was no clock in sight so she stretched out on the expensive 700 thread count sheets and clutched the soft pillow her head was resting on. Slowly but surely her mind settled back into reality and she grasped the idea once more she was in Seattle. Now Meredith understood why Derek had pushed so hard to get comfortable beds for the guest rooms.

"Seriously Derek? Our guests are not going to be the King and Queen of Ireland! We don't need an expensive queen bed."

"Trust me Meredith, it's worth it."

Yeah, it was so worth it. Waking up like this, Meredith felt like she was the Queen of her own country much less Ireland. And what was that smell? Mornings in Boston consisted of stale cereal. Meredith could not cook and no one else really had the desire to so early in the morning, so cereal it was. It smelled like something was cooking. It was reminiscent of old Sundays when the kids were little, Derek would get up early and go downstairs and cook with them while he let Meredith sleep. Meredith stayed in bed and thought of those good old days. And just for a second, she let herself imagine that Derek had been with her all night and he was just downstairs cooking with the kids, waiting for her with a smile on his face.

But Meredith knew this was not reality, so she slowly got out of bed, grabbed some clothes out of her suitcase, and made her way into the bathroom and tried to make herself look somewhat presentable. While brushing her teeth, she threw on a pair of sweatpants and her old Dartmouth long sleeved t-shirt. One last glance in the mirror and Meredith made her way out of the room and down the stairs. On her way down the now creaky stairs Meredith heard laughing and talking coming from the kitchen. The downstairs of the house was very open and the sun shone through the various windows that displayed the gorgeous view from the house. Eventually, Meredith made it into the kitchen. Jilly was sitting on the counter mixing something in a bowl and she had flour on her nose, Emma was sitting at the table reading some sort of magazine, and Andrew was tossing an already dressed for the day Derek eggs from the fridge.

"Hey mom!" Emma was the first one to recognize Meredith's presence.

"Hey guys," Meredith said while still squinting at the sunlight. It was cold downstairs, a whole lot colder than she had expected suddenly her old Dartmouth t-shirt was not providing the proper amount of warmth and she hugged her body tight, "What's in the bowl Jilly?" Meredith smiled trying to ignore the cold.

"Pancakes!" Jilly exclaimed as she mixed the bowl vigorously, "Dad says that he may let us put chocolate chips in them, but he said we had to ask you."

Meredith chuckled at this, "Oh well you know how I feel about chocolate chip pancakes, so drop them in!"

"Yes!" Jilly's eyes lit up and she jumped off the counter and ran over to Derek who was at the island in the middle of the kitchen in the midst of showing Andrew how to crack an egg with one hand, "Daddy! Did you hear? Mom says we can have chocolate chips so hand them over!"

Derek's eyes went from Jilly to Meredith who was still standing by the stairs; he smiled at her and then crouched down to Jilly's level, "Alright, but you have to answer something before I give you the chocolate chips,"

"Aw come on Dad!" Jilly whined.

"Nope, just one question."

"Alright fine, what is it?" Jilly settled.

"What is the capital of Massachusetts?" Derek asked.

"Dad that's a stupid question, I'm not six, it's Boston." Jilly said mater-of-factly

"Alright then," Derek sighed and tried noticing how much Jilly had grown up, he then tried to think of another trivia question, "I've got a good one; what is the capital of New Hampshire?"

"New Hampshire's the one above us, right mom?" Jilly asked looking over at Meredith.

"Yep, it's where we went this summer to the lake for the day." Meredith explained.

"Um, the capital?" Jilly clarified.

"Yep, answer and you can have the whole bag of chocolate chips." Derek replied.

"I don't know the answer," Jilly looked down and then looked up beyond Derek to where Andy was cracking eggs, Andy looked at his little sister and slowly mouthed the word 'Concord' to her.

"Um, Con…" Jilly started still looking at Andrew, Derek whipped around to see his son giving Jilly the answer, "Concord." Jilly finished.

"Cheater!" Derek exclaimed and picked Jilly up and started tickling her.

"Ah! Daddy stop!" Jilly managed to get out between giggles. Derek kept tickling his daughter while keeping her held high up in the air. Andrew just laughed to himself and kept cracking eggs, Emma was oblivious to the whole thing almost as if it was something that happened every day, and Meredith was awestruck. She had not seen Jilly so happy and carefree in years, since the last time she came back from Derek. There was something special that Derek did to that little girl, he made her happy. Meredith's thoughts were interrupted by Jilly's giddy squeals, slowly but surely, Derek set Jilly down on the floor and laughed too.

"I'm only messing with you Jelly Bean," Derek said to Jilly as he smiled and ruffled her hair, "Hey Meredith?" He asked as he stepped away from Jilly and walked back to Andrew.

The way he said her name so simply got Meredith's attention (and shot her blood pressure way up too), "Yeah?" She responded wide-eyed and quickly.

"Can you get the chocolate chips out from the closet for our Jilly here?" Derek smiled as he went back to where he was before with Andrew cracking eggs. When Derek said "our Jilly"it made Meredith's heart twist, they were not Derek and Meredith but they still had something that was theirs together.

"Uh, yeah." Meredith supplied, "Um, where are they?" She asked timidly, Emma sensed the awkwardness and looked up from her magazine.

"Are they where you used to keep them Dad?" Emma asked.

"Yep," Derek replied nonchalantly.

"Oh then, well I know where they are, thanks Em." Meredith said and walked over to the closet where she used to stow away groceries not so long ago. She took out the chocolate chips and brought them over to Jilly who eagerly poured them into the bowl of batter. Meredith glanced up at the wall to glance at the clock, the strange looking wall clock that Meredith and Derek had bought while on vacation in Denmark shortly before the divorce read 11:32. Meredith could not remember a time when she had slept past 10:00. It had been more than a couple years, that's for sure. She also bet that it had been a long time since Derek had eaten breakfast this late, he was a morning person and loved to eat his healthy breakfast at the proper time. This meant that he waited for her, they all waited for her. Meredith took comfort in this. By the time the clock stuck 12, breakfast was served and the "family" ate together. Meredith and Derek were pretty much silent the whole meal; Jilly, Andrew, and Emma piloted the conversations and every so often Meredith would nod and Derek would laugh and ask a question. Soon enough breakfast came to a close and the kids went upstairs getting ready for the day, leaving Meredith and Derek alone for the first time since the night before.

"You don't have to do that." Derek commented quietly as he watched Meredith grab plates and bring them over to the sink from where he was sitting.

"No, it's okay, I don't mind." Meredith answered quickly trying to avoid conversation.

Meredith started to wash plates. She turned the water on to the hottest it could be, the water trickled down her hands and the scalding temperature stung her hands. Ignoring it, Meredith glanced up to look out the window, there was that view. It was gorgeous. Her eyes trailed downwards to the window sill. She sighed, when they were married, Meredith or Derek would place their wedding bands on the windowsill as they washed dishes. Now the windowsill was empty and all Meredith could feel on her hands was hot water.

Derek got up from where he was sitting at the table and made his way over to where Meredith was washing dishes. He stood behind her and to the left side of her and placed his hand over one of hers, "I've got it, don't worry about it." He said quietly, his hand still on hers. The sudden contact made Meredith flinch; she backed up and dropped the dish she was working on. Luckily, Derek was there to catch it. When she regained her composure she looked up at him and he glanced back at her from the sink.

"Um, okay then. I guess I'll just go shower and stuff." Meredith supplied.

"That's fine, I was thinking of taking the kids to the aquarium this afternoon, do you think that's too young for them?" Derek asked sincerely.

"No, no, it's good. They'll like it." Meredith smiled at Derek's concern.

"You can come," Derek suggested looking a bit eager, "I mean if you want." He finished unsure of himself.

"No, that's okay, I have things to do and people to see. I think I may go visit George today." Meredith lied, she would love to go to the aquarium with her kids but not so much with her ex-husband, "Thanks though."

"Yeah, maybe some other time." Derek smiled.

That smile, why did he have to do that? "Um, well, I am just going to go," Meredith pointed to the stairs.

"Alright then, we should be leaving in the next hour so…"

"Yeah that's fine." Meredith said turning on her heals, "See you later."

"Yeah, later," Derek awkwardly replied and turned around to continue washing the dishes. Everything was so different now, it was awkward and uncomfortable. As Derek washed the same plate for the twentieth time all he could think about was how much he truly wished things could go back to the way they used to be. But he knew this could never happen.

* * *

February 2022

It had been a month since Richard had first had the subdural hemorrhage, it had been a month since Meredith and Derek had first operated and things had not gotten better. Derek assumed there had to be something more in there but he was not about to suggest an invasive surgery to an older man. So he kept quiet, for as long as he could. One night in February he could not take it anymore. Derek lied awake at night in his bed, a rock solid asleep Meredith snoring beside him. He could not take seeing Richard in such pain, he knew he had to open up the brain. Derek was convinced that between him and Meredith they could find a solution. He glanced at the clock beside Meredith's side of the bed, it was 2:46 AM. He groaned quietly to himself and rubbed his eyes. While running a quick hand through his messy bed hair, he managed to untangle himself from Meredith and get up from the bed. He rummaged through drawers and quietly got out a pair of jeans and a sweater. Derek slowly glided into the bathroom. His bare feet hit the cold tile and he immediately wished he had turned on the floor heaters before he went to bed. As swiftly as possible Derek threw on the jeans and haphazardly tossed the sweater over his head. He glanced at himself in the mirror once before leaving the bathroom to put on shoes. Once he was dressed he walked over to the bed and dropped a quick kiss on Meredith's sleeping head. Derek then proceeded to make his way out of his and Meredith's bedroom.

Once downstairs, Derek made himself some coffee and scribbled Meredith a note proclaiming that he needed to go to the hospital for some things and he would be back before morning if she should read this before he got back. After putting on his coat he walked out of the house and into the garage and opened the garage door in hopes that no one would hear it. Derek climbed into his black BMW and slowly made the drive to Seattle Grace. Once at the hospital, Derek got out of the car and went straight to his office. He went over to his coat rack and picked up an extra lab coat so he looked more official. When he put it on it did not fit right, too small. He took it off and read "Meredith Grey Shepherd M.D. F.A.C.S." He shook his head and chuckled a bit to himself wondering why one of Meredith's coats was in his office and not in hers. Derek then reached for the other lab coat and checked the title and sure enough it read, "Derek Shepherd Chief of Surgery, M.D. F.A.C.S.". That was more like it.

After putting on his coat Derek did some quick paper work and then made his way to Richard's room. When he got there he was shocked to see that the old man was awake. In the past few weeks, Richard had slipped in and out of consciousness. Looking at him now, Derek knew he was fully awake and fully lucid.

"Richard?" Derek questioned walking up to his bed. Richard said nothing and kept looking out the window watching the cold Seattle rain fall. Derek shrugged off Richard's non response and took out his flashlight out of his coat pocket and started shining it in Richard's eyes. Suddenly, Derek felt Richard grasp is right wrist and hand, the hand that held the flashlight.

"Derek." Richard managed to get out. Derek quickly released his hand from Richard's and shut the flashlight in his pocket.

"Richard, how are you feeling? Do you want me to get you anything?" Derek asked taking advantage of the time he had with Richard while he was totally coherent.

"Derek, I can't do this anymore." Richard spat out.

"What? What are you talking about?" Derek asked confused as he took a seat on the bed.

"Derek, I am in pain. I live every day in pain. I am a man approaching his nineties. It's time…"

"Richard, what's wrong with you? Are you okay?" Derek asked wondering why Richard was saying all of this nonsense.

"I'm fine, it's just, you won't understand it until you are in my position. Since Adelle died, there's nothing for me. Ellis is gone, Adelle is gone, my job is gone. I am old and I am dying." Richard finished solemnly.

"There's us, there is your family. Meredith, Jilly, Andrew, Emma, everyone at the hospital. You're not done living yet Richard." Derek tried to make the man see.

"But Derek, I don't want to live…"

"So what do you suggest, Richard? You sound suicidal, are you crazy? If you keep this up I'll call psych." Derek said firmly as he stood up from the bed and grabbed a copy of Richard's chart which was next to his bed. When Richard did not say anything, Derek looked back at him, "Oh Richard you can't be serious."

"Derek, it's the only way. You and I both know it." Richard concluded.

"No, it's crazy," Derek said running a quick hand through his hair and glancing at his watch. This conversation was getting uncomfortable.

"Shep-"

"No, I…I have to go. Are you sure you don't want anything?" Derek asked as he stumbled backwards through the room.

"No, just go, Derek." Richard said as he glanced out the window.

"Get some sleep, chief." Derek added for sentimental effect to let Richard know he still had meaning in his life.

When Derek made it back to his office he sat down at his desk. He turned his desktop on and smiled as the picture of him, Meredith, Andrew, Emma, and Jilly appeared on the screen. They were on vacation on The Canary Islands; it had been a great trip. The picture showed Derek with his arm lazily around Meredith's shoulder, Andrew was standing next to Derek and Emma was next to Meredith and Jilly was in front of both Meredith and Derek. Everyone was all smiles and everyone's face was pleasantly sun kissed. It was the perfect picture, cheesy yes but perfect nonetheless. He then thought back to his conversation he had with Richard not too long ago. Looking at this picture, he knew that if he granted Richard's request he would be in jeopardy of losing his perfect, cheesy family. He knew what he had to do, he had to talk to Meredith.

* * *

December 2027

Derek was brought back from his memory as he heard laughter from the stairs. He finished with the last dish he was working on and dried his hands quickly. When he turned around he saw Jilly and Emma standing in front of him ready for the day. He glanced at Emma and absolutely lost his mind, his daughter standing in front of him looked exactly like Meredith. He did a double take, he could not believe it. He realized he never really took a good look at Emma for two years. What a difference two years made, the little girl that stood in front of him now was not the little girl from the picture that was on his desktop from the Canary Islands – no, not at all.

"Ready to go Dad?" Emma asked interrupting Derek from his thoughts.

"Yeah, sure." Derek managed to answer, "As soon as Andrew comes down." As if on cue the mini-Derek Shepherd bounded down the stairs.

"I'm ready, lets go." Andrew muttered as he joined his sisters.

"Alright then, let's do it." Derek said as he grabbed his keys from the table and his jacket from the closet. The kids made it outside to the car and Derek lingered for a moment. He popped his head out of the door to the garage, "I'll be a minute, hold on guys. Andy will you start the car?" Derek asked as he heaved his keys into the air toward Andrew.

"Yeah, sure." Andrew responded as he caught the keys that Derek threw to him.

"Why can't I start the car Dad?" Emma asked. Okay, maybe she was not completely unlike the little girl she used to be. Derek just chuckled to himself and closed the door. He then made his way up the stairs and when he reached the guest bedroom across from his room he knocked on the door lightly. Sure enough, Meredith opened the door shocked to see Derek standing there. She instantly regretted opening the door while dressed only in a towel around her body and one wrapped around her hair.

"Oh, sorry." Derek muttered, "I didn't know, I'll just talk to you later."

"No, it's okay." Meredith said as she grasped the towel tighter to herself.

"I just, do you think…"

"What Derek?" Meredith asked sincerely.

"Do you ever think about what life would be like if we had not done it?" Derek asked.

Meredith paused, completely taken aback by Derek's forwardness and question. They never discussed the past. Ever. It was an unwritten rule in the chronicles of Meredith and Derek. But Meredith took a look at the man standing in front of her. His hair somewhat disheveled, something she knew happened when he was thinking too much and he had run his hand through his hair one too many times, his eyes tired and his face weary. She knew that he deserved an answer to his burning question.

"Yeah." Meredith answered, a familiar look on her face, "Yeah, I do."

Derek concluded that it was a look of sadness, like the one he saw so many times before when something had not gone her way, or someone had once again beaten her down. It was the look that made him want to grab her in his arms and make all the pain in her life disappear. He knew well enough that could not happen now. Not after everything. So he just gave Meredith a nod and walked downstairs and drove himself and his kids into the city. Meanwhile, Meredith was left dumfounded and could only wonder what in the world Derek was thinking and what would it mean for her.

* * *

How's It Going To Be is a song by Third Eye Blind

Thanks for reading! Please review! =D


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